Wherever You Will Go
by ghost writer 77
Summary: A sequel to 'An Odyssey to Us.' Finally together, Castle and Beckett embark on a new journey, but it's not going to be a smooth ride... Can they survive the bumpy road? Or will they crash and burn? An AU retelling of the season 3 finale. Chapter 4 - "But?" She clenches her jaw, the muscles tensing again. "It feels like the other shoe is about to drop."
1. Fix You

**The sequel to "An Odyssey to Us". **

**I would strongly recommend that you read that story before this one. A word of warning though - it's gonna get angsty. Just sayin'.**

* * *

**1. Fix You**

"Detective Beckett, why are you here?"

Kate glances out the window and exhales slowly, her hair crowned with rays of sunlight. Why was she here? She looks back at the man in front of her and shrugs, her lips pressed into a thin line.

"Honestly? I don't know." Her voice is strong and her eyes hard, glittering diamonds of defiance. But there are cracks in her mask and Dr. Burke sees right through it.

He cocks his head and regards her for a few moments, his dark eyes narrowing slightly.

"I think you know exactly why you are here, Kate," he replies, his voice rich and smooth; a deep rumble that threatens to lull her into calmness, into openness.

She folds her arms across her chest, trying to keep everything from bleeding out of her heart. She's _not_ going to cry in front of this stranger.

He crosses his legs and sits back, hands folded in his lap; his expression calm and unassuming.

"Why don't you tell me about that day?" Her heart trips. No. No. No-

"About what happened at Captain Montgomery's funeral?"

There's the question she feared the most.

It cuts straight to her thumping heart, freezes the courage in her veins. She clutches at her arms, suddenly feeling cold, her eyes prickly with unshed tears. The memories of that day have since haunted her every waking moment.

Silence envelops the room for what seems like an eternity; the faint, rhythmic ticking of the wall clock and the sounds of New York outside the only noises discernible in the quiet room.

Finally, Kate lifts her head, her eyes wet and teeming with tears, her well-constructed self-control teetering on the brink of destruction. When she speaks, the words are expelled in a quiet, broken exhale.

"My partner almost died and I had a miscarriage."

* * *

_Three months earlier..._

_The sky is clear and blue, birds are singing and the grass is green with life. Everything seems to be in its right place. Except for the coffin standing next to the gaping wound in the ground and the mourners dressed in bleak, depressing black. They stand out in their sorrow, arrested by their grief while everything, everyone else drinks in the beauty of the sunny day. She takes a breath and closes her eyes for a moment. When she walked past his wife and children earlier, the tears scratched against her throat, stung her eyes, but now she feels eerily calm and in control. __Her voice is strong as she starts to deliver the eulogy._

_"Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop," she pauses, takes a moment and then continues. "He taught me that we are bound by our choices. But we are more than our mistakes." The words reverberate throughout her heart as her thoughts drifted back to their fallen hero. _

_A man who _was_ more than his mistakes. _

_"Captain Montgomery once said to me that for us, there is no victory. There are only battles. And in the end the best you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you." She glances at her partner, solid and strong and stoic beside her. He's the light keeping her away from the rabbit hole, keeping her away from her own darkness._

_"Our captain would want us to carry on the fight."_

_Rick tears his eyes away from her feeling overwhelmed and looks at the vast array of white headstones of fallen heroes spread out over the surface of the green grass. He's about to return his attention to Kate when something catches his eye; it's a glint in the sunlight. For a moment he thinks someone is playing with a magnifying glass, but then the realisation hits and cold dread washes over his limbs. _

_They're here for her. _

_"And even if there is-"_

___"Kate!" _He lunges for her, his body smashing into hers as the shot rings out.

_They crash to the ground, the full weight of his body heavy on top of her. Around them there is chaos; she can hear Lanie calling out to them, Esposito yelling orders and Alexis screaming for her father. For a moment, she just lies there, paralysed with confusion and fear. Then she realises that Castle is still on top of her and not moving. Her stomach twists, anxiety rises in her throat._

_"Castle." She pushes on his shoulder, but the only response she gets is a strangled moan._

_No, no, no._

_"Rick!" She calls out, pushing him up and off of her onto his back. Her gloves are stained red and she sees the sticky blood slowly pooling on the grass beside her partner. The panic crashes over her, her thoughts tainted with the sudden fear of losing him. _

_Kate wedges a hand underneath his right shoulder blade where the wound is, wet and warm with blood as it pours out of his body. Her other hand goes to his face, stroking his already pale cheek. _

_"Rick," she calls out brokenly, her voice shattering, her eyes swimming. "Rick, baby, please open your eyes for me," she pleads, tears rolling steadily down her cheeks. "Please." His eyes flutter open, unfocused and dazed. She gives a strangled, relieved laugh, her heart hammering in her chest. _

_"Rick, stay with me, okay?" At the sound of his name, his frantic eyes find hers. She gives him a teary, broken smile. "Stay with me. Don't leave me, please," Kate says around a sob. She gently caresses his face, her glove-clad fingers linger against his parted lips. _

_"I love you." She leans down and presses her forehead against his, her tears dripping onto his face. "I love you so much."_

_All he is aware of is her her fingers stroking his face, her voice soothing him, her green eyes boring into his. He tries to hold onto her, hold on for her, but it's all too heavy. It's dragging him down and he feels like he's drowning. The darkness wraps around him and eats away at his consciousness until there is nothing left but a black abyss._

* * *

"Come on, one more."

He grunts, sweat dripping into his eyes. "If you are going to say that again, I swear to-"

Emily, the lanky, blonde physical therapist arches her eyebrows and points a finger at a panting Rick. "Don't talk back to me, Mr. Castle. You know what happens if you do."

He straightens and grins at Emily. "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me, just try me," she says with a grin, her blue eyes sparkling. She's pretty and he notices. He notices her long legs, slim body and lovely face. But-

But. . . she's not Kate. She simply can't compete with Kate.

Stunning, fierce, bad-ass, vulnerable, beautiful Kate.

His Kate.

Rick is about to respond when another voice interrupts them.

"Still being difficult, Castle?"

He whirls around and can't keep the absolute joy off his face in seeing her; it breaks open in his eyes, spreads to the wide smile on his mouth. Kate lets out a breath, surprised at the relief she feels in seeing his reaction to her. To say the last few months have been difficult for them, would be a monumental understatement.

And a pretty, eager, _flirty_ physical therapist is not helping matters either.

But he forgets all about Emily and comes to her, hair flopping over his forehead and grinning like a fool. Kate feels a stab of possessive satisfaction at that and grins, bearing her teeth. Rick Castle is hers and she's not above staking her claim.

"Hey. You're early," he says before dropping a kiss to her smiling mouth, a hand wrapping around her arm.

She shrugs, her hand splayed on his chest, his shirt damp with perspiration. "Yeah, thought I'd come and surprise you."

He smiles, eyes bathed in tenderness and kisses her again. "I love surprises," he murmurs against her mouth.

She pulls back slightly and bites her lip, dark eyes twinkling knowingly. "Mm, I know."

"Well, I guess our session is over then," Emily interrupts, standing by awkwardly.

They pull back from each other. "Yeah, it seems so," Rick answers.

Emily smiles and points a finger at him. "You still owe me a sit-up, though."

He grins. "Yeah, yeah. We'll see."

Kate turns her attention to the other woman. "I hope he's not giving you too much of a hard time."

The woman glances at Kate and smiles tightly, clearly uncomfortable in the detective's presence. "No," she says, cutting her eyes back to Rick. "I can handle him."

_Oh, I'm sure you want to._

"You ready to go, Castle?" When she turns her attention to the man in question, he's giving her an adorable smile and she melts a little.

He nods. "Uh, yeah. Let me just grab my stuff," he says before trotting off to the bathroom.

The two women are left alone in awkward silence. Call it female intuition or her skills as a detective, but Kate senses how. . . _fond _the other woman is of her writer. And it irritates her a little.

A lot.

But Emily is the best and Castle has improved significantly since he started physical therapy six weeks ago. Before that, he was struggling badly. He could barely lift his right arm due to the damage the bullet caused and the effects of the surgery. He was miserable and they were constantly at each other's throats - she felt guilty and he felt frustrated.

"So, how's he doing?" Kate asks once Rick is gone.

Emily glances at her. "Great. He's improving every time I see him."

"That's good," Kate says with a nod. They slip back into uncomfortable silence.

"Let's just hope he doesn't have to go through something like that again," Emily comments softly after a few moments.

Kate freezes, her heart suddenly twisting painfully in her chest. Of course, the other woman doesn't know the full story; she just knows Rick was shot. She's not aware that he almost died because he jumped in front of a bullet meant for her.

The detective closes her eyes in an effort to regain to control of her emotions. She already feels raw - too raw - after her session with Dr. Burke and now this might just push her over the edge.

After a few moments of regaining her self-control, she glances briefly at Emily. "Believe me, I'm going to do everything to make sure that it never happens again," she assures quietly, steel in her voice.

"Make sure what never happens again?" Rick asks when as he approaches them, bag slung over his uninjured shoulder.

Kate turns to him and smiles softly, curling a hand around his elbow. She's been more tactile ever since the shooting little touches to ground her in the knowledge that he's still there, he's still with her. He's alive.

"Make sure that you don't skip any exercises," she tells him while the smile stretches wider over her face, touching the corners of her eyes.

He looks unconvinced, but grins. "Oh, I'm sure you will, Detective," he murmurs, waggling his eyebrows.

Kate only rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Yeah, yeah, Castle. C'mon, let's go." She gestures to the physical therapist. "I'm sure Emily would like to continue with her day."

The other woman only returns a tight-lipped smile. "I'll see you next week, Rick," she says softly, cutting her eyes to the writer while her whole face, her whole demeanor softens.

It doesn't go unnoticed by the detective.

"Yeah, see you next week," he greets - oblivious - before taking Kate's hand and walks out.

"So? Any grizzly murders to solve, Detective?" He asks after a moment.

Kate laughs softly and shakes her head. "Uh, no. Sorry to disappoint you, Castle, but I've only being paperwork the whole day."

"Ugh, boring," he whines.

She laughs as they step onto the busy sidewalk, hands still intertwined. "Yeah, well, we're not all about car chases and gun battles, Castle."

"It's too bad. You're particularly hot in gun battles," he comments.

She rolls her eyes at him, her smile widening. "Well, I'm glad I'm able to fulfill one of your many fantasies."

"Well, you are my inspiration - on so many levels," he adds with a leer. She laughs and shakes her head, the blush tinting her cheeks.

At least they're still _them._

After a few moments, Rick speaks again, his eyes painted with concern.

"So, how was your session with Burke today?"

She stiffens beside him, her mind skidding back to her conversation with the therapist. Rick, sensing the change in her mood, squeezes her hand.

"Kate?"

She flits her eyes to his, her lips briefly lifting into an unconvincing smile.

"Fine."

She's lying.

He can see it all over her face; he knows her tells by now - the way her jaw clenches, the way her eyes flit away, the way she purses her mouth.

Finally, Rick just nods and says: "Good."

She's hiding something from him, but he's not going to push her into spilling her guts.

Because-

He has his own secrets to hide from her.

* * *

_Two months ago..._

_"Hello," he grunts in greeting, everything still hurting like a sonofabitch every time he just makes the slightest movement. Seriously, who the hell is calling him at 7am in the morning? _

_It wouldn't be Kate. _

_He had the feeling that he wouldn't be getting a call from her today, not after the previous evening's blow-up. Especially, not after he lashed out and called her a-_

_"Mr. Castle?"_

_He rubs a hand over his face, feeling like a train has hit him. "Yeah," he sighs wearily._

_"I'm a friend of Roy Montgomery's. Calling about Detective Beckett."_

_His head snaps up that, suddenly feeling wide awake. He sits up, wincing at the sudden movement; his heart thudding against his ribcage. He can literally feel the blood rushing through his veins._

_The voice on the other end continues to talk despite the silence. "We need to talk."_

_Rick swallows, his throat feeling clogged and dry. "W-what about?" He manages to croak out._

_"About Detective Beckett's safety."_

_Oh God. Kate. No, no, no. Oh God, no. _

_Panic crashes over him, his hands starting to tremble. __"What are you talking about? S-she's suppose to be safe. Montgomery said that it was over-"_

_"It's not over." _

_Rick closes his eyes and drops his head in his hand, the pain making him feel dizzy and exhausted. _

___He can't lose her. He would never survive if-_

_"However, there is a way to keep her safe, a way to keep them at bay. But I'm going to need your help."_

_"Anything. I'll do anything to keep her safe," he manages to choke out._

_He would take another bullet if needed. Just-_

_Just as long as she's safe._

* * *

**To Be Continued.**


	2. All I Need

**The sequel to 'An Odyssey to Us'**

* * *

**2. All I Need**

_She is still in her uniform. _

_Still wearing the dirty, blood-stained, ripped uniform with he horrific events of the afternoon smeared all over her body, the remnants of the trauma burned into her mind. ______It's cold in the room; her hands are trembling and her limbs are stiff. Her eyes, however, never leave him. _It's been a long day and she's exhausted. But-

_But she can't go, can't bear to walk out of the room. She can't leave him when h__e would never leave her side._

___So, she stays and keeps watch. _

___A vigil of sorts._

_The monitors are beeping, telling her that he's alive, he's breathing. Just a few hours ago – it feels like a lifetime ago – he died beneath her shaking hands; his blood warm and sticky, his skin pale and lifeless._

_But his heart is beating. Again._

_That is all that matters now. The sniper who shot him, the case that brought them to this point, the ghosts that have haunted her for all these years do not count now. He's alive and that is enough.  
_

_He is all that she needs._

_"Kate." She jerks at the soft mention of her name. It's Lanie standing hesitantly in the doorway, her features bathed in concern. The detective ducks her head, suddenly feeling her eyes welling with hot tears._

_When she speaks, her voice is shaky. "Hey." Kate diverts her gaze to her still trembling hands. She can't seem to steady them. "Where is everyone?"_

_"Ryan and Esposito are at the precinct. Martha and Alexis have gone home to get some rest and your dad went with them."_

_Kate sighs and nods. "Okay."_

_She feels the M.E. taking a seat beside her. After a few quiet moments, Lanie takes her hand. "Honey, maybe you should go home for a bit, huh? Go shower, eat something. Sleep a little."_

_Kate quirks her mouth. "So they sent you, huh?"_

_The other woman smiles slightly. "No, I came voluntarily."_

_"I'm not going anywhere, Lanie," Kate says, steel in her voice. Her eyes drift back to his motionless body. "I can't leave him."_

_The other woman sighs and shifts to look at the detective. "Kate, this isn't your fault-"_

_She's shaking her head, tears threatening to spill over the threshold of her eyes. _

_"Don't. Lanie, please - just don't." _

_She's going to break. _

_This fragile, vulnerable control that she has over herself is about to shatter. She can't keep it together for much longer._

_The other woman shifts closer. "Kate-"_

_"He jumped in front of me." She lifts her eyes to Lanie, blazing with grief and tears._ _"_Me. _So yeah, this is my fault."_

* * *

She can't sleep.

She's been tossing and turning for a better part of an hour. Kate turns her head to look at her bed partner and smiles. He's conked out next to her on his stomach, mouth open, hair ruffled and snoring softly.

At least he's getting some rest.

She turns on her side and watches him for a moment. This beautiful man who has opened his heart, his home to her. Who gets on her nerves, who makes her crazy and pisses her off and loves her with an intensity that scares her sometimes. A man, who because of his love for her, jumped in front a bullet and almost got himself killed.

Kate shifts closer and brushes a hand gently through his sleep-mussed hair, her thumb at the soft skin of his temple. She lightly traces the hard edges of his jaw with her fingers, scraping against the stubble on his cheek. He stirs for a moment before letting out a sigh and mashing his face further into the pillow. Her mouth curls into a wider smile as she watches him in the dimness of the room.

He looks like a little boy.

She's seen photos of him when he was a little guy of six or seven. He was adorable - a real little charmer with that trademark Castle glint in his eye even from an early age.

She wonders if they had one, whether their little boy-

She sucks in a breath as sudden, raw grief crashes over her like a tidal wave. Her heart twists painfully inside her chest, eyes screwed shut against the quick, hot tears.

No, no, _no. _

Kate sits up, breathing harshly through her nose before climbing quietly out of bed.

She stumbles into the bathroom, a hand over her mouth to keep the sound of her grief from escaping. She shuts the door and goes to sit on the edge of the bathtub, bowed over as she concentrates on her breathing while the tears keep coming.

It hits her sometimes, in the moments she least expects it, when she's the most vulnerable. Like now, when she lets her mind drift to the 'ifs' and 'maybes'. So, she does what Kate Beckett does best - file it away, box it up somewhere in the recesses of her mind, try to shut it out.

But-

she can't do this anymore. Can't go on pretending that she didn't lose anything because of that day. It's not fine, _they're_ not fine. And Dr. Burke is right - she still hasn't dealt with it yet.

Hasn't dealt with the loss of their baby.

* * *

_Something is wrong, very wrong._

_She has been having cramps all day, but woke up in the middle of the night, writhing in pain. There was also blood. So much blood. The sheets stained in deep, disturbing red. Kate has only made it as far as the bathroom in her panic and can't seem to move her trembling body off the floor. _

_It's been a week since the shooting._

_She sits back, grimacing as another cramp rips through her body. She has her phone cradled against her chest, not sure who she should call. No one knows about the baby, not even Castle. With the case and the shooting, sharing the good news was not something that she wanted to taint with her own tragedy. _

_But now-_

_She needs help. She needs her best friend. Her eyes are shut tightly as she listens to the ringing, tears rolling down her pale cheeks. Finally, after what feels like a lifetime, the ME's groggy voice greets her._

_"Kate, hon, you need to get some sleep-"_

_She sobs and clutches her stomach."Lanie, I- I need-"_

_"What's wrong?"_

_She draws in a ragged breath, not caring that Lanie can hear her desperate crying. _

_"Please, come and help me. S-something is wrong with the baby."_

* * *

His fingers are flying over the keyboard, eyes fixed on the fast-emerging sentences. Kate leans against the door frame and watches him with a soft curl of her mouth. It is the first time in months she has seen him writing. Which means he's getting back to his old self. Slowly, but surely regaining that spark, that twinkle in his eye.

The lift of her lips grow into a full-blown smile as she pushes off the door towards him.

"You're writing."

He jerks his head up in surprise, grinning goofily when he spots her. "Yeah, I woke up with all of these plot ideas in my head and just _had_ to get it down."

She comes to stand next to him, a hand brushing through his sleep tousled hair.

"I'm glad," she murmurs, tender as she watches him with soft eyes.

His hands span her waist. "Morning," he rumbles, pulling her into his lap.

She laughs quietly, her hands framing his face. "Morning." Kate leans down and softly touches her mouth to his, delicate and gentle, fingers cradling his jaw.

When they break apart, he slips his fingers in between the strands of hair at her shoulders.

"You okay, babe?"

She sits back and frowns. "Yeah, why?"

He's quiet for a moment, his eyes not meeting hers. "You got up in the middle of the night." He sighs and looks at her, something guarded in his gaze. "I heard you crying in the bathroom, Kate."

She sucks in a breath, her heart rate spiking. She doesn't have a response, doesn't have the words that might comfort him. She's not ready, not ready to unload the weight of her grief, their tragedy onto his shoulders.

Things have just started to get better. She can't tell him what they lost.

Not yet.

So she does what she always does.

"I had a nightmare."

She lies to protect him.

His face falls. "Kate-"

She drags a hand through her hair, avoiding eye contact. "I'm fine, Rick."

He snags her arm. "Are you?" His eyes are intense and stormy, worried for her.

She softens, sagging into him. "I will be. I'm fine now."

Kate traces the edges of his furrowed brow, trying to smooth out the anxiety from his forehead.

"I promise, Rick."

He doesn't look convinced. "You can talk to me, Kate." He wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer. _"Promise_ me that you'll talk to me next time."

She swallows back the burn of tears. "Okay," she says hoarsely and wraps herself around him. "Okay, I will."

He nods, pressing kisses in her hair. "We're gonna be fine."

Yeah. Yeah, they'll be fine.

* * *

_He feels loopy, weightless. His head feels heavy, his thoughts are scattered. But at least the colours are pretty. What the hell happened? Where's every-_

_Oh, there's Kate. _

_Pretty Kate, beeeaauutiful Kate. _

_Even though she looks so small, so vulnerable. She's sitting in a chair by the window, her legs drawn up and her arms wrapped around them, hair in a ponytail. Pensive and far away._

_He wants to touch her._

_"Kate," he manages, the sound scraping against his throat._

_Her head snaps around, her mouth parting in shock. He's been in and out of it for a few days now, only a few seconds of consciousness before slipping back.  
_

_It's been ten days since the shooting._

_"Rick," she breathes, getting up; the makings of a smile hovering on her mouth. _

_Her eyes are red-rimmed, though; there's something like grief all over her face._

_Why is she sad? __He's okay. _

_She should be happy and smiling and kissing him._

_He frowns, feeling dizzy. And thirsty, really thirsty. "Thirsty," he manages to grunt out._

_"Okay," she laughs, eyes watery. She weaves her hand through his, ducks down to kiss his forehead. "Okay, let me get the nurse." She rests against him for a moment, her eyes falling shut._

_"I love you. I love you so much."_

_"Love... love you too."_

_She grins at that, eyes opening to find his again. Bright and beautiful and alive. Kate stands up and cards a hand through his hair, sliding it down to cup his cheek._

_The tears are silently running down her cheeks. "Don't ever do that to me again."_

* * *

"You know what I don't get, bro? Why did they still come after her? It was supposed to be over. That's what Montgomery said."

Ryan nods, his brow furrowed. "Yeah, it doesn't make sense." He looks over at his partner, both standing in front of the white board in the conference room. "I mean, Montgomery had to have some sort of. . . I don't know - leverage? What did he have over this guy's head to keep his family _and_ Beckett safe all these years?"

Esposito sits back in his chair, pensive, squeezing a stress ball. "Believe me, bro, I've been replaying that question in mind over and over again."

Before Ryan can respond, the familiar clack of their boss' heels alert them to her arrival.

"Morning guys," she greets with a smile, entering the conference room.

They respond with strained smiles of their own.

"So, anything?" She asks, coming to stand in front of the white board they have set up in the conference room. It's always the same question. And it's always the same answer.

"No," Ryan says on a sigh. "Nothing."

"Beckett, this guy is a ghost," Esposito adds.

"Yeah, well, even ghosts leave trails." She moves closer to the board, inspecting the information they had on it. When they weren't investigating a murder, they were working on Castle's shooting.

Without any luck so far.

It's been months and they had nothing. Time was running out, as well as the new captain's patience with them and this case. Captain Victoria 'Iron' Gates was a tough nut - a little anal and completely by the book.

"Did you run the license plates again?"

Ryan steps in beside her. "Yeah. Nothing."

Kate drops her head into her hand. "Okay, okay. What else do have left?" She glances at the board again. "We tried facial recognition. There were no witnesses."

"The DNA was also a bust," Esposito adds, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kate makes a face. "Yeah, well that was always a long shot." She lets out a long breath, a hand in her hair. "Damn it, we just need a break. Just. . . something, _Anything,"_ she says, sinking down into a chair, eyes on the documents scattered on the table.

The two men in the room are quiet, not nodding in ascent or saying something encouraging. Kate can feel the doubt rolling off them in waves. She closes her eyes and chews on her lip.

Finally, she looks up. "Guys, if you have something to say, just say it."

Ryan glances at his partner before taking a seat opposite her. He folds his hands in front of him and locks eyes with her.

"Beckett, it's been months and we have nothing," he says softly.

She shrugs, unwavering. "So?"

Esposito takes a seat next to his partner. "So, maybe it's time to take a break."

She already shaking her head, fire in her eyes. "No. There's no way I'm letting that bastard get away."

The Hispanic detective sighs. "We don't have a choice."

"What do you mean we don't have a choice?" She inquires hotly, shooting out of her seat.

Suddenly her partners are on their feet, eyes on someone behind her.

"He means the case is closed," Captain Gates announces as she steps into the room. Kate whips around in, incredulous, protests already rolling off her tongue.

"Captain, the shooter is still out-"

Gates holds up a hand to cut her off. "Yes, but this isn't a homicide, Detective. It was a shooting in which the victim survived." The captain pauses, stepping closer. "A victim with whom you are romantically involved."

Kate grits her teeth, willing her tongue to stay put, not to lash out against this bi-

"Captain, please. We just need more time-"

"No, I have given you an opportunity to investigate this. It has been months and your leads have dried up. Besides, all of you here - especially you, Detective Beckett - are too close to it." Gates levels all of the detectives a look, hard and uncompromising. "The case is _closed. _Do I make myself clear?"

Ryan and Esposito nod reluctantly. Kate clenches her jaw and feels the tears prickling against her eyes.

Gates turns to her, eyebrows raised, waiting for an affirmative answer. "Detective Beckett, do I make myself _clear?_"

She swallows past the lump in her throat, her voice strong and low when she answers.

"Crystal."

Gates nods once. "Good." She crosses her arms, authoritative steel in her voice. "A call came in, there's been a murder. I want you three on it." With that she turns around and leaves.

Kate watches her go, bristling with anger. She can feel Ryan and Esposito's coming to stand either side of her.

"We'll get him, Beckett," Ryan assures quietly.

"Yeah - no matter how long it takes. Castle is one of our own," Esposito adds.

She nods tersely before locking eyes with her partners.

"And when we find him, I'm putting a bullet in his skull."

* * *

_"You have to keep her off the case, Mr. Castle."_

_Rick sighs and shifts in his seat, wincing at the pain that shoots through his chest. It's only been four weeks since the shooting._

_He's shaking his head, his eyes finding the older man's. "You don't know her - she's relentless. She's not gonna let it go."_

_The grey-haired man sits back, contemplative for a few moments._

_"You want to keep her safe, don't you?"_

_"Of course I do." He glares at the man, eyes like glittering daggers. "That's all that matters to me."_

_"Then steer her away from it. Make sure she's not pursuing it."_

_"But they're investigating my shooting and the two cases are linked."_

_Mr. Smith sits back, a ghost of smile on his mouth._

_"I'll make sure they don't get very far, Mr. Castle." He sobers, his expression growing serious. "If you want to keep her, keep your family safe, sacrifices have to be made. Even if it means you never catch the man behind her mother's murder. Are you willing to do that?"_

_He is quiet, his stomach in knots. There's only one choice, one option._

_"Anything to keep her safe."_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay; the muse and I have been having severe difficulties. Hopefully, I will be better at updating in the future. Of course, reviews help.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	3. Ghosts That We Knew

**The sequel to 'An Odyssey to Us'.**

* * *

**3. Ghosts That We Knew**

Kate Beckett lands another punch against the bag, grunting softly at the impact. She swings with the other fist, focusing all of her frustration and anger onto the punching bag. It's cleansing in a sense, primal and visceral in its violence.

"_Come on, Castle, don't you die on me!"_

Sweat drips down from her face, the slope of her neck; it runs down the curve of her back, making the shirt stick to her skin - hot and humid. She relishes the heavy impact against the solid surface, the shock shooting through her gloved fist, up through the taut muscles of her arm down into her very bones.

"_He lost a lot of blood and he went into cardiac arrest twice – we'll need to keep a very close eye on him. He's not out of the woods yet."_

Her vision is becoming increasingly blurry as the tears slowly fill her eyes. She lashes out with all of her energy against imaginary opponents and the ghosts that haunt her mind.

"_I'm sorry to inform you Miss Beckett, but you've had a miscarriage."_

Finally, when she doesn't have any more energy to burn, she collapses onto the punching bag and clings to it like a lifeline while quiet sobs rip through her chest, echoing throughout her body.

* * *

_She rushes through the emergency doors, heart ricocheting around in her chest. They said that he was fine, but. . . what if he wasn't? She jerks to a stop, desperately seeking around for anyone who could give her information. She spots the nurses' station and hurries towards it, heels clacking loudly underneath the impact of her quick steps._

_"Excuse me, I-I. . . a Richard Castle has been admitted about half an hour ago," Kate stumbles, a hand shakily combing through her hair._

_"You family, ma'am?" The woman asks, too busy with paperwork to make eye contact._

_"Uh, I-I'm his. . . girlfriend."_

_The nurse looks up. "I'm sorry, ma'am - only family is allowed in."_

_"No, wait. Please." Kate fumbles to get her badge, her hands shaking badly. "I, um, I'm a detective with the NYPD and he's my-"_

_"Kate!"  
_

_She spins around and spots Alexis standing by a green curtain that formed a barrier around the hospital bed where he father was currently in. The detective abandons the unhelpful nurse and swiftly makes her way to the Castles. _

_"What happened?" She asks breathlessly, her eyes frantically tracking over her lover's form. He's lying down, his eyes closed and his face pale and drawn in obvious pain, sweat trickling down his cheek. She carefully rests a hand against his head, stroking it through the soft hairs at his temple._

_He opens his eyes. "I'm fine," he grits out, trying to sit up. Kate gently pushes him down again, shooting him a glare in warning. _

_Alexis sighs. "He pulled out his stitches and fainted. And in the process, he fell and hurt himself."_

_Kate whips her head back to him, her brow furrowing. "Castle-"_

_"I'm fine," he reiterates, his eyes fiery. _

_She briefly closes her eyes and lets out her breath before turning back to the young red head who is obviously upset and shaken. _

_"Alexis, where's your grandmother?"_

_"Uh, filling out paperwork. . . I think."_

_Kate nods, cupping the girl's elbow. "Okay. Why don't you go get us some coffee while we wait? I could use some caffeine right about now." She tries to smile, tries to offer the girl a reassuring tilt of her mouth. The smile - as with most these days - does not reach her eyes. _

_At her other side, Rick stays quiet, but she can almost feel the tension radiating from his body. He seems to be angry with her. Again. He seems to be angry with her a lot these days. The girl hesitantly looks between them and finally nods, turning around and walking away in search of coffee._

_When Alexis is out of earshot, she turns to the writer._

_"You didn't need to do that," he grits out, sweat slowly rolling down his temple.._

_She ignores the comment, resting a hand against his jaw to get his attention. "Rick, are you okay?"_

_His eyes flash and he jerks his head back from her touch. She tries not to let that hurt, her suspended hand quickly falling to her side. But it does hurt because it feels close to something like rejection. _

_And in the past, he's never rejected her touch._

_He closes his eyes, jaw clenching in obvious pain. "God, what you have to do make you understand that I'm fine?"_

_"You pulled out your stitches," s__he bites back, her own temper wavering._ "What the hell were you doing, Castle?" 

_"None of your goddamn business."_

_That stings, but she resists the urge to flinch and slice him back with sharp words. Instead, she grits her teeth and takes a step towards him, her face the picture of determination. If they're going to fight, they're going to fight for_ them.

_"Don't push me away," she says, her voice flowing in a gentler tone. Kate slips her hand over his larger one, weaving some of her fingers in between his, their palms kissing. "Please, Rick."_

_He's stubbornly avoiding her gaze, his face like a blank canvass - pale and strained. He must be in great pain._

_"Then stop interrogating me," he spits out quietly, his voice scratchy._

_She drops her head into her other hand with a sigh, rubbing her forehead. It has been a struggle, a constant war of attrition between the two of them since the shooting - they pull and push and punish each other. _

_She's suddenly just so very tired of it._

_"That was not my intention." Kate moistens her lips and slowly, gently rubs her thumb along the hard ridges of his knuckles. He is still avoiding her gaze; acting like a wounded, caged animal. "I'm sorry," she all but whispers, the tears burning in her throat and stinging her eyes. _

_He finally looks at her, his eyes still clouded, but his expression softening at her show of emotion - he suddenly feels like a jackass. The writer sighs and slides his hand more firmly over her smaller one, almost dwarfing it. _

_Eventually, Rick shakes his head. "You have nothing to apologize for, Kate," he says, a sad edge to his tone. She gets the feeling this about more than what they've just argued about. It's about everything._

_"I'm sorry. I just. . ." He scrubs a hand over his face, the rough stubble scratching his palm. "I'm tired of feeling like this." He sighs and looks at her again, giving her a hesitant, lopsided curl of his mouth._

_She squeezes his hand. "Like what?"_

_A few moments pass before he answers. "Helpless, Kate," he says, softly; almost as if embarrassed. "And when you and Alexis and my mother. . . hover, it just makes it worse."_

_She bites her lip, her eyes darting away. Well, she has been hovering - even if goes against her nature. She's been feeling guilty and overprotective and just plain scared._

_Hell, they've all been petrified._

_She sighs and takes a seat on the edge of the bed, keeping her body close to his._

_"We're just concerned." She shoots him a quick smile. "You know I'm not the coddling type."_

_He rewards her with his own smile, his eyes on their clasped hands. "I know."_

_"Frankly, Castle, I thought you'd milk this whole patient-thing."_

_He laughs at that, a soft rumble. Her heart flips at the sound. _

_"Yeah, well, maybe if you bring out the Naughty Nurse outfit, I might be in a better mood." He looks at her, his blue eyes dancing. She's missed those eyes, glittering with boyish charm and mischief._

_Instinctively, Kate leans in and presses a kiss against the slight curl of his lips. "Maybe we can arrange something," she murmurs against his mouth, her breath hot on his skin. "But only if you're good."_

_He grins and kisses her again. "Oh, I'm always good."_

_They're going to be fine - they may be fragile, a little broken and cracked, but they'll make it through. After all, things between them have never been easy._

_She pulls back, her hand brushing along his skin, her fingers curling around his jaw. "Are we good?"_

_His mouth quirks as he pulls her closer, his hands bracketing her slim waist. He traces a thumb over her hip bone, biting back a comment on how much weight she has lost. _

_"We're fine, Kate. We'll get through this."_

_They will. They have to._

* * *

"Hey, guys!" Rick calls out cheerfully as he walks through the bullpen with bags filled with lunch.

The other two detectives grin and get up as he approaches them. They haven't spent a lot of time together in the precinct after Rick's shooting, so every time he swings by it feels like the good old times before their worlds were turned upside down.

"Hey, bro. Long time no see," Esposito greets with a large grin, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Hey, Castle. How are you doing, man?" Ryan asks, smiling widely and engaging in a manly half-hug.

He smiles at the two men, essentially his brothers in arms. "Really good. I'm getting stronger everyday. And I started writing again. So, it's going well." He glances around, bags still in hand. "Where's Kate?"

"Sparring in the gym," Ryan answers.

The writer deflates. "Oh."

The Hispanic detective chuckles and shakes his head. Rick frowns in confusion, his lips lifting into a sheepish, lopsided grin.

"What?"

"You're so whipped, bro."

"No, I'm not," Rick shoots back with a huff.

Ryan laughs and snatches the bag out of his hand. "Oh, come on, Castle, you've been whipped ever since you started following Beckett around like some lovesick puppy. Which you obviously still are." The blue-eyed detective takes out his and his partner's usual orders and hands Esposito his share.

"Yeah, man, Beckett keeping you on a leash or what?" Esposito quips before digging into his Chow Mein.

Rick quirks an eyebrow, his mouth curving. "Says the man who went to _Titanic's_ 3D screening just to please his girlfriend."

"Firstly, _Titanic_ is a classic and secondly, Lanie is _not_ my girlfriend," Esposito responds indignantly, pointing a pair of chopsticks threateningly at the writer. "We're just friends."

"Yeah, with benefits," Rick jibes under his breath, unable to hold his grin.

Ryan laughs. "Just friends? Who's whipped _now_, tough guy?_"_

His partner glares at him. "Excuse me, but you just - a mere two hours ago - bought tickets to a Celine Dion concert. So don't talk to me about being whipped . . . _Honey Milk_."

"Uh," Ryan sputters and flushes in embarrassment, unable to form a proper reply.

Rick lets out a bellowing laugh, clutching his stomach. "Oh, man, I haven't heard that in ages." He sits down, laughter still bubbling out of his mouth. He glances between the two and sighs, a grin spreading across his face, mirth dancing in the blue of his irises. "Ah, it's good to be back."

The other two men smile and nod in agreement.

"Yeah, we've missed you, man," Ryan says with sincerity, before taking a bite out of his eggroll.

"Even if you're annoying as hell," Esposito teases. "But seriously, it's good to see you back on your feet, Castle. Hospital gowns don't flatter you, bro."

They all share a smile at the joke, but there is a gravitas hidden beneath the surface; an unspoken code of loyalty and camaraderie. They are brothers in arms, after all.

After a while, Rick shifts in his seat. "So. . ." He clears his throat and picks at his fingernails. "Have you found anything?" His voice is softer, expectant.

The two detectives glance at each other, their expressions morphing into ones of resignation.

Ryan shakes his head, his forehead creased with a frown. "No, not really, Castle. Sorry."

"We had to close the case today," Esposito adds softly.

Rick frowns. "What? Why?"

"We haven't made enough progress according to Gates," Ryan answers. "And then she basically ordered us off the case."

Esposito sighs and nods. "We couldn't investigate it any further without implicating Montgomery."

The writer's brow furrows in thought and he nods his head. If they're not investigating his shooting, they won't have a reason to touch Johanna Beckett's case.

"Okay," he eventually says. "How did Kate take it?"

The other two detectives share a brief look, grave and concerned. "She. . . was upset," Ryan answers carefully.

"Why do you think she's sparring right now?" Esposito adds with a sad tilt of his lips.

"Oh." Rick sinks back in his chair.

Shit.

"That bad, huh?"

* * *

_"Kate, what are you doing?"_

_She glances up at him from her position on the ground; case files and paperwork spread around her. "Uh, just. . . going through some stuff," she says gesturing to the paperwork around her. She's tense - her shoulders hunched, her brow creased, her jaw clenched. Not to mention the shadows under her eyes. _

_He sighs and walks closer, still trying to wake up. "At three in the morning?"_

_She shrugs and turns her attention back to what she was doing. "Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep."_

_"Kate, you didn't even try," he retorts flatly because really, who is trying to fool? She's still in her work clothes. At hearing the hard edge to his voice, she looks up - her eyes dark and glittering._

_She shrugs at that and doesn't reply, flitting her gaze back to the files in her hands. He stands there, just watching her for a moment; assessing and taking stock of the woman he loves. She's lost weight, she hasn't slept well in weeks and she seems lost to the rabbit hole._

_"Kate," he calls softly, hunching down in front of her._

_"What, Castle?" She spits out, clearly annoyed by his persistence._

_He ignores her snarky tone and takes hold of her wrist, bony and small in his hand. "Come to bed." _

_Her hands still, but she still doesn't look at him. He can, however, see she her throat working as she swallows. "I can't," she whispers, still hiding her eyes in an effort to keep him from discovering the grief buried in every fibre of her body. _

_Of course, he finds it. He knows her, he loves her._

_Even the dark grief that seems to surround her these days, seems to follow her like a shadow. _

_"Why not?" _

_Finally, her eyes meet his. "Because I have to find the son of a bitch who shot you. Who's behind all of this. That's why. It's almost been two months and we have nothing, Rick. Nothing!" Her green eyes ignite, her features giving life to anger. "So, if I have to stay up until 3am to catch them and make sure that we're safe, then I'm going to do it."_

_He lets her vent, just watching her - not with pity, but in understanding. There's silence for a long moment before he speaks again, h__is voice tender as if speaking to a small, scared child. _

___"And you can't sleep." _

___She nods, trying, but failing to keep the tears from tumbling down her cheeks. ______Rick edges closer and take her chin in between his fingers, lifting her face to his surveying eyes. She can't hide from him, from his devotion to her. _

___"Why not?" He prods again, moving closer still. _

_"Because you die." She looks at him; desolation and despair spilling from every pore, her face twisting into a heartbreaking portrait. "In my dreams, you die, Rick. And there's nothing I can do to stop it." _

_He sits down and pulls her small body into his lap, cradling her head against his chest as she finally gives in to the tears. _

_"Shh, it's okay. I'm okay." He presses a kiss against her head. "We're fine, Kate. We're safe."_

_"Yeah? For how long?" She rasps out against the skin of his collarbone. She pulls back, trying to put distance between them, but he keeps his hold on her. "How are we suppose to go on if there are cross-hairs on our backs?"_

_He sighs. "We can't continue to live our lives by constantly looking over our shoulders, Kate."_

_"What do you want me to do, Castle? I can't just let this go."_

_He shakes his head. "That's not what I'm asking." He brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. He waits for a few moments before speaking again. "But for now, just come to bed. Please."_

_She offers him a muted, tentative tilt of her lips and nods. He stands and offers her a hand which she takes, letting him lead her to bed. To some respite from her troubling thoughts, their demons._

* * *

He's been there for thirty minutes - playing some ridiculous ninja assassin game on his phone - when Kate finally comes down the stairs. She's freshly showered, dressed in a dark skinny jeans, a comfortable red polo neck sweater and a pair of black high heeled boots; her unruly, curly hair falling over her shoulders.

She startles to a stop when she finally notices him. "Castle, what are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd surprise you with lunch and-"

"You need to go home," she cuts him off curtly as she moves to her desk, her voice rough sounding like sharp, jagged edges. He gapes at her in stunned silence, confused by her reaction; usually he would be greeted by a bright, warm smile that illuminated her eyes.

But today, nothing of the sort.

She's rearranging files on her desk, her hands restless - a tell-tale sign that Kate Beckett is not feeling herself. When she lifts her head to look at him, her expression is hard and her eyes are bathed in shadows. He's seen that look before.

And it scares him.

"Kate." He approaches her carefully, slowly, gently putting a hand on her arm. "You okay?" He murmurs lowly.

She glances at him, her face giving nothing away, but her eyes swimming in darkness.

"Fine. I. . . just have a lot of work to do." She offers him a upward tilt of her lips, closed and fleeting. He nods, watching her closely, not sure whether to bring up the elephant in the room.

Well, sometimes the direct route is the best way with her.

"Uh, the boys told me about the case."

She stills, avoiding his gaze. When she doesn't respond, Rick steps closer, his hand closing around her smaller one. He rubs his thumb over the soft skin of her hand, over the hard ridges of her knuckles.

"Come on. Let's get out of here for a while."

She shrugs him off. "I can't. We have a case."

"Please," he urges softly. Finally, she looks at him and touches a hand to her forehead.

"Fine. Okay," she breathes out, her eyes fluttering shut for a moment. "Let me just tell the boys."

* * *

_He was having a good day. The pain wasn't as bad as it had been for the last four weeks. And Kate seems more relaxed because he's more relaxed. Over the last month, she's been walking on eggshells around him._

_"Don't start without me!" She calls from the kitchen, hurrying to the couch, popcorn in hand. They were having a Nebula 9-marathon - much to his dismay._

_"Wouldn't dream of it-" And just because he feels like it, he adds: "-babe."_

_"Don't call me babe," she grumbles, but he can hear the lightness in her tone. She plops down next to him, laid back in denim shorts that show off her long legs and a white t-shirt which her boyfriend seems to appreciate. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer to him. _

_"I get to call you anything I want since we're watching this really stupid-"_

_She jabs a finger into his chest. "Don't you dare, Castle. You promised me a Nebula 9-marathon." He presses his lips together to hold a grin at the whiny tone of her voice. _

_It's kinda cute._

_"Okay, okay," laughs, holding up his hands. Kate smiles at him, a beaming, mega-watt grin that reveals her teeth as she presses the play button. "But remember, you promised me a little. . . dress-up later on." He wriggles his eyebrows, leering down at her._

_Her grin mutes into a sultry curl of her mouth, her tongue caught in between her teeth. She sidles up to him, pressing her body into his, her hand tripping up his chest. _

_"Oh, Ricky, I didn't forget." She walks her fingers down his chest. "And believe me, you won't forget it either."_

_He swallows thickly, adam's apple bobbing. "Y-yeah?"_

_Kate leans closer, her mouth at his ear. "Mm-hmm. I have a nice little Lieutenant Chloe-outfit."_

_"Sexy," he murmurs, turning his head towards her. He captures her mouth in a slow, thorough exploration. "When am I getting a Princess Leia dress-up?" _

_Kate laughs, dainty and bright. "You're pushing it, Castle."_

_His mouth slides open into a wide smile. "Ah come on, Kate. I'm almost all better and ready for action." He brushes another light kiss against her mouth. "We could have a lot of fun with that."_

_She pushes a hand against his chest, smiling. "I'm sure we can, but only if you agree to be Han Solo." He barks out a laugh, the sound rumbling out of his chest. _

_"No problem."_

_She grins at him, biting her lip. "Let's shelf that until the doctor gives you the all clear, yeah?"_

_He nods, threading a hand through her hair. "Okay." He frowns and pulls back suddenly. "We're still on for Lieutenant Chloe, right?"_

_She breathes out a laugh and darts in to give him another quick kiss. _

_Adorable man. _

_"Yes, Castle, I'll make all your dreams come true."_

_He believes her. _

* * *

"How are you?"

Kate shrugs, her eyes not meeting his. She's cradling the ceramic cup in her hands, letting the warmth spread to her cold fingers.

"I'm fine."

He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "No, you're not." Her eyes flick to his. "And you know you're not. So stop pretending, Kate. You can't hide from me."

She drops her gaze, capturing her lower lip in between her teeth. They are silent for a while, letting the noises of the city and people envelop them. She knows that he's waiting on her, letting her organize her thoughts. She's not good at verbalizing what she thinks or feels.

So he waits.

"What if this never ends?" Her voice is barely audible, scraping past the words. His own heart twists at the absolute desolation in her softly spoken confession.

He reaches out a hand, his fingers curling around her slim wrist. "Kate. . . do you remember what you told me when I first brought your mother's case?" That gets her attention, her eyes flicking back to his, stormy and troubled. "You said that if you got started again, that you wouldn't stop. You said that it would probably destroy you."

She swallows, her throat working and purses her lips. "But what if we never find him, Castle? The guy who shot you, the man responsible for all of this. What do we do then? I don't want to live with this hanging over my head, _our_ heads." Her eyes are gleaming, shiny with a sad sense of certainty and brokenness. "I want to end it. For good."

He waits, just watching her for a few moments before talking. They've had this conversation before over the last few months.

"I promise you we will figure this out," he assures her quietly. "I also want to get the son of a bitch who shot me, Kate. We're gonna find them and we're gonna make them pay." He pauses, flipping her hand over and covering it with his. "But just not today."

She lifts a hand and wipes at her cheeks, tears slowly trickling down.

"What am I suppose to do in the meantime?"

He gives her a faint smile. "What you always do - you give a voice to the victims and you bring justice to their families." His smile grows. "And you love me."

She rewards him with a laugh, nodding slowly. "I could do that."

_"We_ will, Kate." Their eyes meet. "We're in this together."

Always.

* * *

"The Election is not far away, Bill. What are we going to do?"

Senator William H. Bracken turns away from his vantage point of the office window looking over the Manhattan skyline and glances at his long time friend and partner, Niles Cummings.

He is a picture of calculated calmness as he slowly, almost regally takes a seat. He lets out a breath, a hand rising to cradle his chin.

"We wait until the moment is right, until we have all our ducks in order."

The other man - a grey-haired, slim, lanky man with a narrow face and a harsh, thin line for a mouth - shakes his head in protest. His interests are also at stake here.

"Waiting for what exactly? The opportunity to take them out is _now._"

"Not until I have that damn file," Bracken grits out, his blue eyes icy.

"And when is that going to be?"

The senator's mouth curves into a cunning smile. "Soon. Mr. Smith thinks he has all the cards, but I still have few tricks up my sleeve." The smile slowly slips from his face, his features growing hard.

"Believe me, _nobody_ is getting in my way."

* * *

**A/N: Apologies for the long delay, but we're getting there. Slowly. **


	4. A Brewing Storm

**The sequel to 'An Odyssey to Us'.**

* * *

**4. A Brewing Storm**

She's staring at a nonexistent spot on the carpet. The room is quiet – the only sounds are their breathing and the rhythmic ticking of the clock. Finally, she sags back into the seat, exhaling slowly as her eyes drift back to Burke, ever patient and unwavering.

"Why are you here today, Kate?" His voice is smooth and soothing; his warm, brown eyes regarding her calmly.

Kate drops her eyes to her hands, picking at her nails. "Just. . . I don't know." She shrugs, lifting her gaze to the therapist again.

"It feels like everything is about to go to hell."

Burke tilts his head, a frown creasing his forehead. "How so?"

She tips her head up, wetting her lips before continuing softly. "Gates forced us to close the sniper case."

"Castle's shooter?"

She doesn't say the words; she can't. So, she just nods once, feeling her throat closing up.

He crosses his legs. "How does that make you feel?"

She lets out a humourless laugh. "Angry." Her brow furrows, her eyes suddenly turning flinty. "No, I'm pissed off. _Really_ pissed off."

He nods, jotting down a few notes. "Kate, it's perfectly normal to feel frustration and anger in a situation like this. But it might be a good thing for you to step away from this case. To get some perspective," he comments after a moment.

She lifts a shoulder. "Suppose so. I mean that's what everyone is telling me."

He folds his hands, placing them on the notepad on his lap. "What about you and Castle?"

She's quiet for a while, gathering her thoughts. She wraps her arms around herself, rubbing her hands up and down her upper arms as if to dispel a nonexistent chill.

"Things are fine."

But-

"But?"

She clenches her jaw, the muscles tensing again. "It feels like the other shoe is about to drop."

Huh. Interesting.

Burke shifts in his seat. "Why do you say that?"

She lifts her eyebrows and pulls up one shoulder. "I can't explain it, but it just feels like something is about to go wrong."

The therapist cocks his head, his eyes studying her intently for a few moments.

"Have you told him about the miscarriage?"

Her eyes flutter shut. There was _that_ on top of everything else.

"No," she scrapes out, her voice splintering.

"Why not?" Burke asks, his tone even and serene.

She blows out a breath, carding a hand through her hair; tears are not far off now. "Does it matter?" She evades the question, the answer she doesn't want to give.

"Kate, I think you know the answer to that."

She lets out a stuttering laugh, her eyes flooding with tears. "Yeah, it matters. Of course it does, but. . . I-I don't want to tell him."

"Why's that?"

Her heart starts a staccato battering against her rib cage. She inhales and lets the breath go slowly, the answer tumbling off her tongue.

"What if that's the other shoe?" She leans forward, elbows on her knees, her hands cradling her head.

"What do you think will happen if he does find out?"

After a moment, she sits up, her eyes finding his; suddenly serene and calm like the quiet before the storm. There is an eerie certainty, a finality in her voice when she says:

"He will never forgive me."

* * *

He's trying. He really is. But the ideas just aren't coming, the words aren't melting into easy sentences, the paragraphs have disintegrated into a blank page and a blinking cursor.

The story has hit a dead end.

Much like what Kate must be feeling with her mother's case. Rick leans back in his chair, the soft leather squeaking under the movement of his body. He tips his head back and blows out a heavy breath, his eyes tracking over the ceiling. He shouldn't be happy, he should feel guilty about the recent developments, but. . . he's relieved. And a little happy. When it comes to her life, he'll give or do anything to keep her safe.

Even jeopardise the most important case of her life.

However, as he has learned, there's a price for that. And that price has been Kate's availability. Sure, she still with him – every day and every night nowadays. Emotionally, however, she has pulled away, going into hiding to lick her wounds. Of course, he isn't allowed to share in that with her. To help her carry the burden.

Kate Beckett, by nature, is a lone wolf.

He pushes himself up and out of the chair, raking a hand over his cheek, sprinkled with a few days-old stubble. He meanders out of the office and checks his watch - only 13:15. Kate would only be home by two at the earliest. Maybe she'll even swing by the precinct despite the fact that it's her day off.

He hasn't eaten yet and is in desperate need for coffee. He can feel the caffeine headache taking root in the base of his skull, sprouting up to overtake the rest of his head. He rubs at his eyes to relieve some of the pressure and opens the refrigerator to search for something to eat.

His thoughts drift back to Kate and the ring he has stashed in the safe in his closet. He's had it for a while now and is anxious to make its presence known, but with everything that's happened. . . he's not sure anymore.

He's not sure about-

A knock at the door startles Rick out of his musings. He frowns and strides toward the entrance; he's not expecting any visitors and Kate wouldn't be knocking on his door because she has a key.

It's her home now.

When he opens the door, his eyes widen in surprise at seeing his physical therapist standing there in the entrance.

"Hey, Rick."

"Emily, hi." He smiles politely, the confusion seeping into his tone. "What are you doing here?"

The pretty blonde gives him a shy tilt of her lips, almost batting her eyelashes at the writer. He doesn't really take notice, too preoccupied with _why_ his physical therapist would be showing up at his door on a Friday afternoon.

"Well, you missed our appointment today and I was worried when you didn't return my calls," she says, raising her eyebrows.

His face falls, his eyes widening. "Oh, shit, I'm so sorry. I-I was writing and our session completely slipped my mind. And my phone-." He pats his pockets, searching for the device. "-must be lying somewhere around here. I'm really sorry." He steps to the side, opening the door wider. "Please, come in. I'll make us some coffee."

She shakes her head, lifting her hands. "Oh, no, that's not necessary. I just came to see how if you are alright. I don't want to impose-"

He grins and waves her protests off. "It's nothing. Besides, I owe you that at least a cup of coffee after wasting your time."

She offers him a grin, her mouth parting to reveal a row of pearly whites. Emily easily touches his arm as she passes him, her blue eyes trained on his.

"Thanks, Rick."

* * *

Kate doesn't go to the precinct after her session with Burke. She feels too raw, too frayed at the edges to do anything but stroll around in Central Park.

Alone. With a cup of coffee.

This is how she does it - how she handles things, how she heals. It's done privately, on her own and away from prying eyes. She doesn't want Rick too see her this vulnerable, see how damaged she truly is at the core. How she has been held together by the sheer force of will. She takes a seat on the park bench, her eyes taking in the scenery. She's not looking for something in particular, just observing the beauty and drinking in the serenity.

Making peace.

Burke had told her to put down what she felt in words, to buy a journal and just. . .write about it. It was said to be cathartic, cleansing. A way of unburdening herself and shrugging off the yoke. So, after her session with the good doctor today, she went out and bought herself a journal.

Kate sweeps a hand over the leather cover, her mouth pulled into a tight line. Finally, she flips open the first page and is met by the familiar, comforting scent of new, unused paper. Her mouth arches into a whisper of a smile, her thoughts naturally floating to her writer. At that, her mouth breaks open into a fully-fledged smile that floats up to her eyes.

She carefully puts the cup of coffee on the ground and pulls a pen out of her purse. Her hand is hovering just above the blank page while her heart gives a strange little gallop in her chest. Even though this will be private and therapeutic, writing down everything she thought and felt and remembered will make it permanent.

Kate gives her head a shake and drops the pen down to the paper, painting the blank canvass with her words, her story. As she writes, her mind drifts back to a few months ago, just after the shooting.

* * *

_He's just staring out the window, quiet and acting completely out of character. He's not the brooding type. She is. Kate watches him for a moment longer before walking towards him with the bag of take-away she bought on the way. _

_"Castle," she calls softly. He doesn't react, seemingly lost in thought. She steps closer, putting the bag of food on the coffee table next to him. "Rick," she says louder this time, reaching out a hand to touch his arm._

_But the moment her hand lands on his arm, he jerks away as if being burned, his eyes jumping to her in surprise. _

_"God, Kate, you scared me," he mutters breathlessly, clutching his chest. "What are you doing here?"_

_She frowns at him. "What do you mean what am I doing here? I kinda moved in this week. Remember?" She giving him an incredulous look, shaking her head and smiling sardonically. _

_He scrubs a hand down his face, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, I know that, but what are you doing here_ now?"_ He glances at his watch. "It's only one-thirty."_

_"I came to have lunch with you," she says with a wide smile, pulling their lunch out of the plastic bag._

_He doesn't return the smile, just watches her with a blank expression. "Translation - you came to check up on me like I'm some sort of sick child."_

_Kate sighs, not in the mood for an argument. "I'm just concerned," she finally says before handing him his portion. "Here, you need to eat something."_

_"I'm not really hungry."_

_Kate bites back a sharp retort and stands her ground. "Rick, please - just eat something. You didn't touch breakfast this morning. Besides, I brought Thai."_

_His eyes flick to her hers, his brow creased in an unhappy line of defiance. However, after a moment, he reluctantly takes the offerings from her. _

_"Thanks," he mutters grudgingly._

_Kate wipes her hands down her thighs and sits down next to him, reaching out for her own food. He chews slowly, really not hungry, while she observes him closely. He tries to ignore it, the constant vigil that they all keep around him, but it gets too much. She doesn't hover because it's not in her nature. _

_So, why is she doing it now?_

_He darts his eyes to her, his jaw moving as he eats. "What?_

_Kate lifts a shoulder. "Nothing."_

_There's a beat of silence before he dumps his half-eaten meal on the coffee table. "Kate, go back to work," he snaps, getting up._

_She rocks back, her lips parting in shock. He walks off to his office, his face drawn into hardness, everything sharp and scathing. The detective gets to her feet, her own temper wavering._

_"What the hell did I do wrong now, Castle?"_

_He stops with his back turned to her and, for a moment, everything goes still. Finally, Rick spins around, his eyes spitting fire, his brow pulled down into a sharp edge of unhappiness. _

_"You're hovering and it's fucking suffocating, Kate," he spits out, his voice a low growl. "It's bad enough that I got shot because of you, now you want to pity me? Please, just don't."_

_She stiffens at that, her face blanching, eyes rippling with hurt. They stare at each other for a while; she's desperately trying not succumb to the tears just simmering underneath the surface. She swallows, her throat convulsing a few times, and bites her lip severely to keep from crying._

_"Finally," she croaks out. _

_He drops his head and exhales, lifting hand to the back of his neck. He closes his eyes for a moment, remorse slowly clogging his throat. Rick glances up and takes a step towards her, a hand suspended in the air._

_ He needs to make amends._

_"Kate, I'm so-"_

_"No. No, Rick, I've been waiting for that," she cuts him off, her voice trembling. She grabs her coat and puts it on, struggling to keep her face neutral, struggling to keep the devastation from manifesting itself. "And you're right, it is my fault."_

_He's shaking his head at her, watching as she gathers her purse with shaky hands. _

_Shit, this is the last thing he wanted to-_

_"You got shot because of_ me,_ you almost died because of_ me_," she rasps, the tears dripping one by one down her cheeks. Her whole face is crumpling, her heart breaking open in her eyes. She takes a step closer to him, her eyes glossy. "So, yeah, Rick, I'm hovering. You know why? Because I love you and I'm scared, so fucking terrified of losing you." _

_He's staring at her, mouth agape and his own eyes teeming with tears by now. He wants to touch her, but she seems so fragile, so breakable right now. And it's his fault. _

_Damn it._

_"Well, it seems that I've lost you already. How ironic," she mutters with a humourless, broken laugh, her eyes cast downward. She sweeps a few fingers underneath her eyes to catch the moisture gathered there. _

_Wordlessly, she brushes past him towards the door. Rick finally snaps into action and lurches after her, snagging her arm, his fingers gripping onto her bicep._

_"Kate, just, please wait a minute-"_

_She shrugs him off, her chest heaving with the effort not to spill any more tears. Eventually, she looks at him, tremulous and wounded. _

_"Castle, just don't."_

_With that she escapes out the door, leaving him standing there uncertain if she would ever return._

* * *

Kate smiles - a little bitterly - at the memory and gives her head a shake. She slides the key into the front door and the smile widens, tipping her mouth upward. She did go back that night, albeit very late.

And found that he had waited up for her.

She remembers when she came through the door, he was before her in a flash, crushing her in a hug with a slew of apologies rolling off his tongue. She also remembers how frantically his heart was beating against her hand, how breathless he was, how choked his voice was. She also recalls how he proceeded to roughly ram her up against the door and-

What the-?

Emily is here. Drinking coffee and laughing. At something _her_ writer/partner/lover/boyfriend just said.

"Kate!" Rick calls out, his mouth splayed open in a goofy grin. "You're home."

Finally, she gets her feet to move, dropping her keys and purse on the nearby table.

"Hey you. . . two," she greets awkwardly, the confusion still clouding her face. "Good to see you, Emily."

"Hi, Detective," the pretty blonde greets, her enthusiasm significantly subdued.

Kate rounds the kitchen counter to greet her partner. He gives a peck on the lips, trailing a hand around her waist, dipping it to the lower part of her back in an effort to keep her close.

She glances between the two of them, feeling uncomfortable for some reason. "So, having a post-physio coffee?" She inquires with an awkward smile.

Rick chuckles and shakes his head. "Uh, no. I kinda missed my physio appointment today," he says sheepishly.

She turns to him, her brow creased. "Missed?"

"Seems like he forgot with all the writing he's been doing," Emily adds before taking a sip of her coffee. "So, I just came to see how he was doing."

How thoughtful.

Kate swivels her head to the physical therapist, assessing her for a moment. "Oh, okay."

"I owe you, Em," Rick says.

Em?

Well, _that's_ interesting.

Kate cocks her head, dragging her mouth up into a sweet smile. "Don't worry, I'll make sure he doesn't miss another appointment," she says, wrapping her arm around Castle, a few of her fingers dipping into the waistband of his pants.

The other woman nods her head slowly as if picking up on the subtle cue. She puts the cup down and checks her watch before sliding off the stool.

"Well, it's time for me to go. Thanks, Rick, for the coffee and chat," she says with a grin, her gaze flicking over to the writer.

Rick grins and nods as they make their way to the front door. "Sure and once again I'm sorry. I will be there next week, I promise."

"I'm looking forward to it." Finally, she turns her eyes to Kate, her gaze a little cooler. "Detective Beckett, it's always a pleasure."

Kate gets the feeling that's not entirely - or even remotely - true.

"Likewise," she (also) lies.

* * *

"So, how was your day? And by day, I mean your session with Burke."

Her shoulders sag for a moment as she wanders to where he is busy in the kitchen. "It was. . . fine." She plops down on a bar stool, resting on her forearms and weaving a hand through her hair.

When he doesn't comment, she glances up to see him staring at her, his lips pursed in a tight line. She sits up, her brow pulling together.

"What?"

"Was it really fine?"

Kate sighs and leans back, her hands outstretched on the marble counter top. "It was hard, okay?"

"Did you talk about the case?"

God, he's unrelenting.

"Rick, please, it's been a long day." She pushes herself off the seat and turns to walk away.

"That's not answering my question, Kate," he persists, following her into the office.

She whips around, feeling the frustration bubbling up inside her. It _has_ been a long day of purging her soul to a therapist, of purging it some more on three pages in a newly purchased journal and of finding an attractive 20-something in their - _his_ - home.

But-

"Yes, we did talk about the case."

He bobs his head, his hands coming up to rest on his hips. "How do you feel?" He asks quietly, the concern playing over his features.

She rolls her eyes. "God, Rick, really? How do I _feel?"_ She turns on her heel and marches into their - his, _his_ - room.

"What? It's a legitimate question," he defends with a shrug of his shoulders, his hands slipping into his front pant pockets.

"Yeah, for a therapist," she shoots back dryly, sitting on the bed and pulling off her boots. "I don't want to be interrogated anymore."

He leans against the door, deflating slightly. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you."

Her heart melts at that.

It doesn't help that he looks like a disappointed little boy, pouting and scoffing his foot on the ground. She relents and gets up, her sock-clad feet padding softly towards him. She brushes a hand up and down his arm, before tangling it with his large hand, squeezing her fingers in between his.

"I know, I know. And I find it sweet."

He arches his eyebrows at that and snorts, turning his head away from her. She puffs out a surprised laugh, drifting closer to him, her chest brushing his.

"I _do_ find it sweet." She fiddles with the tail of his shirt, her other hand resting on his chest, the fabric of his navy, cotton undershirt soft under her fingers. "And I love you a little more for your concern."

"But?" He questions, failing to keep the adoration from his face.

She exhales and drops her forehead against his chin. "But I just want to take a long, hot bath and relax." She pulls back, her body still listing into his. "I really don't want to talk about my therapy session _or_ the fact that Burke is now forcing me keeping a journal."

A journal. Huh.

His eyebrows shoot up. "A journal? For all your dirty secrets?" He wiggles his eyebrows, giving her a toothy grin.

"Wouldn't you like to know," she tosses back as she moves out of the orbit of his body. Before she can get very far, Rick snatches her arm and pulls her back for a bruising, aggressive kiss.

"Go take your bath," he murmurs against her mouth when they break apart. "I'll order in."

He can feel the slow, answering smile forming on her lips.

"Sounds great."

She pecks him one last time before disappearing into the bathroom. He stands there for a moment, just listening to how she moves around in his space, his home and lets his mind, once again, drift back to that little jewelry box hidden somewhere in his closet.

_Mr. & Mrs._

Yeah, it _does_ sound great.

* * *

**This chapter was basically a set-up for what is to come while the next chapter will probably set the ball in motion for these two with regards to the secrets they're keeping.**

**Thanks for reading.**


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